Ah, the old age question:

"Who Are You?"

Well, let me tell you, mortals

I'm a walking paradox!

I'm the divine embodiment of a Feline God, perpetually chasing my own tail and batting at invisible strings.

I'm the supreme elder of all procrastinators, capable of turning a five-minute task into a three-hour saga of existential dread.

I'm a connoisseur of sarcasm, with a side of witty comebacks that would make Oscar Wilde weep with envy.

I'm a walking contradiction, fiercely independent yet desperately craving human interactions.

Basically, I'm a mystery wrapped in an enigmatic appearance, sprinkled with a generous dose of chaos. I am the Divine Accidental Bard. 

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a very important date with my couch and a bag of chips. For now, I will bless you with a present for your curiosity, my celestial photo.